We're All Doomed
by Lokiismylife
Summary: Sequel to One Little Change. Loki meets Darcy.


**We're All Doomed**

"I still think this is a very bad idea."

"Cheer up, Thor," Jane said as they reached Heimdall's Observatory. "I'm sure Darcy won't do anything to jeopardize the safety of Asgard or Earth."

Thor just mumbled something about Ragnarok, and Loki rolled his eyes. "Honestly Thor, when did you turn into such a worrywart?" he asked.

"Try not to destroy anything?" Thor pleaded.

"What is it about this Lady Darcy that you are so worried about?" Loki asked.

"I am worried that you will be a bad influence on her," Thor said. He looked at Heimdall, and asked, "Will you please send us to Midgard, Heimdall? I see that I cannot escape my fate."

Heimdall looked slightly amused, and sent them to where Thor and Jane had left off. "How do we get back to my house?" Jane asked.

"That car over there?" Loki suggested.

"I don't have the keys," Jane said.

"Whoever said we need keys?" Loki asked, heading for the car. Jane and Thor followed, and watched as Loki flicked a hand at the car. It started up, and Loki asked, "Who's driving?"

"I will," Jane said, getting in the driver's seat. Thor and Loki squeezed in as well, and Jane drove off. Loki decided to critique her driving, until she growled, "Loki, shut. Up."

Loki sulked the rest of the way back to Jane's house. When they got there, Jane asked, "Loki, can you turn the car off?"

"Mmph," Loki said, waving a hand. The car engine stopped, and Jane said, "Thanks. Are you still sulking?"

"You wouldn't let me critique you," Loki said sulkily.

"I have a hard enough time driving in England WITHOUT you distracting me; they drive on the opposite side of the street from Americans," Jane said. "Come on, let's go."

Loki sighed and got out of the car. Thor did the same, with the air of a man going to his own execution. Jane tried the door, but it was locked, so she rang the bell instead. The door opened a few minutes later to reveal Darcy, who looked relieved- until she saw Loki. "I'm home, and I brought guests," Jane offered.

"Erik's going to have a heart attack," Darcy grumbled. "And what happened, anyways?"

"I'll explain everything; can we come in?" Jane asked.

"Your house, boss lady," Darcy said, and let them in.

Erik was sitting at a table in a shirt and his underwear for some reason, while a tall man Jane thought was named Ian looked over his shoulder. They both looked up, and Erik went pale. "Janie, what is LOKI doing here?" he asked carefully.

"He wanted to meet Darcy, so Thor and I brought him along after Odin freed him," Jane replied. "Why exactly are you not wearing pants?"

"That's not the worst of it; we had to get him out of jail for streaking at Stonehenge," Darcy deadpanned.

"Really Erik? REALLY!?" Jane asked. "What is with you?"

"I'm insane," Erik said. "Thanks to your new friend, of course."

"For the record, had you continued working with the Tesseract and had I not shown up, the Tesseract would have driven you insane before long; I merely accelerated the process," Loki said coolly.

"Sanity's overrated anyways," Darcy said.

"FINALLY! Someone who agrees with me," Loki said. "The universe is much more fun when you are insane or at least odd."

"So why did you want to meet me?" Darcy asked him.

"Lady Jane said she thought we would get along well, and there are very few people I get along well with," Loki commented as Jane went over to Erik, who was explaining something.

"I'm not sure whether to be insulted or take that as a compliment," Darcy muttered.

"Why would it be an insult?" Loki asked.

"Because you tried to take over the world, and murdered eighty people in two days," Darcy commented.

"Come on Darcy, aside from the murdering people part, we both know that you could take over the world someday too," Jane called. "Erik says SHIELD has a few contingency plans for when you 'go dark side' as they put it."

"Are you serious?" Darcy asked. Then she cackled evilly. "Maybe I can use this to my advantage," she cackled.

"Do tell," Loki said.

"If I make SHIELD think I'm going to take over the world, I can totally screw with their minds for a while and get back at them for ruining Erik's life," Darcy said gleefully. "But first I'm going to prank-call Fury."

"You have his number?" Loki asked hopefully.

"Sure do," Darcy replied. "So, here's the plan- I'll call him, give you the phone, and you can say, "Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies!" in a really spooky voice, and then hang up."

"Sounds fun," Loki said.

Darcy grinned at him and took out her cell phone, then hit a few buttons and handed Loki the phone. He grinned back and took it, then waited as it rang. Finally he heard, _"This had better be important!"_ and deepening his voice, said, "Come to the Dark Side- we have cookies! Mwhahahahaaaaa!" Then he hung up.

Darcy started laughing, and Loki joined in. Jane looked up from whatever it was she and Erik were doing and asked, "What did you two do?"

"Prank-called Fury," Darcy said.

"You do realize that it's about midnight where he is, right?" Jane asked.

"So?" Loki asked.

"Yeah Jane, what's your point?" Darcy asked. "He answered the phone, so he's probably still up."

"Never mind," Jane sighed. "Let's hope he doesn't figure out Loki's back."

Of course, that was when Darcy's cell phone rang. Loki looked at it and said, "I think it's Fury."

"Pick up and tell him you're the Grim Reaper," Darcy said.

Loki put the phone to his ear and said, "This is the Grim Reaper, how may I help you?"

" _I want to talk to Miss Lewis, and since I doubt the 'Grim Reaper' has taken up stealing cell phones, who the hell is this?"_ Fury growled.

"I already told you, you imbecile, I am the Grim Reaper," Loki said irritably.

"… _..this is Loki, isn't it?"_ Fury asked warily. _"Shouldn't you be in some dungeon?"_

"I got let out with the understanding that if I attacked anyone, I would be going back to my cell," Loki said calmly. "By the way, Darcy Lewis is quite amusing."

" _One sign of trouble, and I'm sending the Avengers,"_ Fury growled.

"Thor's here too," Loki commented. "But if you would like to send the Avengers, be my guest. Just tell them not to destroy Jane's house."

He just heard a click, and handed the phone back to Darcy. "That went well," she said sarcastically.

"Well, at least he's not out for my blood yet," Loki said.

"True," Darcy said. "Hey, wanna know a sure-fire way to irritate Thor?"

"Certainly," Loki said.

"Start calling his hammer 'Mew Mew' and he'll go off the deep end and start trying to rip his hair out," Darcy said gleefully.

"'Mew Mew'?" Loki asked.

"Well its actual name is hard to pronounce," Darcy said. "So I had to think up a nickname, and apparently my inability to pronounce his pet hammer's name drives Thor up the wall. He actually gave up after five hours of trying to get me to stop calling it Mew Mew."

Loki was intrigued, and Darcy said, "Watch, I'll demonstrate. Hey Thor!"

Thor looked up from where he was looking at a map with Jane and Erik. "Yes, Lady Darcy?" he asked.

"Can I draw hearts on Mew Mew?" Darcy asked innocently.

Thor groaned. "NO! And the hammer's name is Mjolnir," he moaned. "Why must you give it a 'nickname'?"

"Well, it sounds to me like you're saying Mew Mew," Darcy smirked.

Thor started banging his head on the table in despair. Loki looked at Darcy, impressed, and she winked at him.

"Thor, would you mind if I played around with the spells on Mew Mew?" Loki asked.

"Loki, if you so much as LOOK at Mjolnir, I will use it to smite you," Thor growled. "And do you have to call it Mew Mew? It is so demeaning."

Loki ignored him and said to Darcy, "Lady Jane was right, I believe. You are someone I can get along with."

Darcy grinned at him and asked in an undertone, "How much nail polish do you think we need to paint Mew Mew?"

"Isn't nail polish extremely hard to get off?" Loki asked.

"Exactly," Darcy said with an evil grin. "I was thinking purple sparkle nail polish, but I'm open to ideas."

"Slight problem, only Thor can lift Mew Mew," Loki said.

"Hmm…. Hey Thor, can I borrow Mew Mew for cleaning?" Darcy called.

"Cleaning?" Thor asked warily.

"Yeah, it's so dirty and I've got some polish that'll make it all shiny and sparkly again," Darcy replied. "Pleeeease?"

"Are you going to allow Loki to do strange things to it?" Thor asked.

"Nope," Darcy said. "Loki's going to be helping me polish other things."

"Very well," Thor sighed. "Where should I put it?"

"There's a table in the living room, you can put it there," Darcy said. "I'll go get my box of polishing supplies."

Thor sighed and went to put Mjolnir on the table, then went back to Jane. Darcy came out with a box of nail polish bottles and a few silver bangles a minute later, and said, "Come on Loki, let's get to work."

Loki followed her to the living room, and sat down next to her, moving so that Mjolnir was hidden from easy view. Darcy grinned and took out a bottle of sparkly purple nail polish, then began painting Mjolnir with it.

 _ **One hour later:**_ Darcy ran out of nail polish just as she finished painting, and smiled in triumph. "How long does it take to dry?" Loki asked her, having finished polishing the silver bangles so Thor wouldn't get suspicious.

"Ten minutes," Darcy said.

Loki sighed and muttered something. "It should be dry now," he said.

Darcy poked the hammer and smiled. "Thanks," she said happily. "Should we get out of here before Thor notices?"

"Get shoes on, we'd be better off vacating the house until he calms down," Loki said.

Darcy went to her room and came back out with shoes on, then said, "Let's go."

Loki got up and followed her to the front door as she called, "Jane, Loki and I are taking a walk around the neighborhood for a bit!"

"Have fun," Jane said distractedly.

Darcy all but dragged Loki off, having noticed Thor was heading for the living room. "He's about to find out," she said as the door closed behind them.

Loki grabbed her and pulled her into a crack between worlds just as they heard Thor bellow, _**"LOKI!"**_

"Why does he pin everything on you?" Darcy asked as they walked through a portal that landed them in a grassy meadow.

"Most likely because he is used to pranks being my doing," Loki admitted. "Though it should have been obvious from the fact Mjolnir wasn't green that it was your doing. I suppose he still needs to get some intelligence."

"I honestly don't know how he's managed this long," Darcy commented. "Where are we? It's pretty."

"We are in Asgard, because Thor will have to use the Bifrost to get to us, and it will take him a while to figure out I came back here, instead of going to bother the Avengers," Loki said.

"We're in Asgard?" Darcy asked excitedly. "COOL!"

Loki smiled at her enthusiasm, and asked, "Shall we go?"

"Where to?" Darcy asked, taking the hand he held out without hesitation.

"You'll see," Loki said, and teleported her to his room in the palace, not wanting to deal with Odin yet. He cringed a bit when he found Frigga in there, and asked, "Mother?"

"Hello Loki," Frigga said. "You are back earlier than I expected. Is this Lady Darcy?"

"Yes," Loki said. "Lady Darcy, this is my mother, Queen Frigga. Mother, this is Lady Darcy Lewis."

"A pleasure, Lady Darcy," Frigga said.

"It's nice to meet you too," Darcy said cheerfully. "We came to escape being killed by Thor."

"Oh dear, what happened this time?" Frigga asked.

"I painted his pet hammer with sparkly purple nail polish, which will probably never come off," Darcy said happily. "Unfortunately, I think Thor thinks Loki did it, so we came here to escape him."

"And Lady Darcy showed me a new way to drive Thor insane," Loki said happily.

"Oh?" Frigga asked.

"Calling Mjolnir 'Mew Mew' makes him start banging his head against the nearest hard surface," Loki said gleefully.

"It's fun," Darcy agreed. "I came up with it after I decided pronouncing its real name was too much work. Thor spent five hours trying to get me to stop saying Mew Mew before he gave it up."

Frigga laughed slightly. "Well, have fun," she said. "But not too much fun, Loki."

Darcy giggled as Loki buried his face in his hands, totally embarrassed, and Frigga smiled and left. When the door closed, Darcy pulled Loki's hands away from his face, and said, "Relax, Lokes. She was just teasing."

Loki sighed, then stiffened. "Thor's back, and I think he knows where I am," he said.

"Let's traumatize him!" Darcy said eagerly.

"Dare I ask what you have in mind?" Loki asked.

Darcy smirked. "Too much fun," she said, and dragged him over to the bed.

"Darcy, we barely know each other!" Loki protested.

"Aw come on, just kissing?" Darcy pleaded.

"Why do you even want to kiss me?" Loki asked, confused.

"You're fun, hot, and totally my type," Darcy said. "And you seem really nice to spend time with, you're not loud like Thor is, and you're actually intelligent."

"I'm a monster," Loki said gloomily.

"I don't know where you got an idea that stupid, but I don't think you're a monster," Darcy said.

Suddenly they heard Thor shouting Loki's name, and Darcy linked her arms around Loki's neck, and pulled him into a kiss. After a moment of complete shock, Loki realized that this was really wonderful, and pulled Darcy closer while kissing her back passionately.

Thor barged in a minute later, and stopped dead. Jane looked around him, and said, "I should have seen this coming….."

"Do you mind?" Darcy asked irritably, briefly breaking off the kiss. "We're busy! What do you want, anyways?"

"Mjolnir is purple with sparkles," Thor said grouchily. "Would you two care to explain?"

"I said I was going to polish it; I just neglected to mention what kind of polish," Darcy said happily. "By the way, it'll probably never come off."

"That was nail polish?" Jane asked incredulously. "Darcy, did you have to?"

"Yep, and now I want to go back to kissing Loki," Darcy said. "I totally get the title 'Silvertongue' now, too."

"Waaay too much info, Darcy," Jane deadpanned. "Come on Thor, let's leave the new lovebirds alone."

"Are you sure that is a good idea?" Thor asked.

"Relax, Thor; we're just kissing," Loki said. "Darcy is a wonderful kisser, by the way."

"I did not need to know that," Thor grumbled. "I will go see if Mother can get this nail polish off."

"Have fun!" Loki and Darcy chorused, and went back to kissing.

 **This is the sequel to One Little Change. I might continue it at some point, but for now it's complete. Let me know if you want this to become a full story!**


End file.
